Synonyms for God

My favorite synonym for 'God' is the 'Magical Sky Daddy'.

Pick Yours.....

All Powerful
Almighty
Creator
Father
Deity
Divinity
Supernatural Being
Idol
Dad
Holiness
Holy Spirit
Jehovah
King of Kings
Lord
Power
Spirit
Yahweh
Lord of Lords
Prince of peace
Savior
Maker
Master
Prince of Peace
The man upstairs
Tutelary
Divine Being
Allah
Zeus
Universal Controller
The one Uncaused Cause of all Reality
Infinite Upholder
The Eternal Son

Carl Sagan - Pale Blue Dot

One of my favorites....

Who was at the reins of those horses?

In a tiny town not far from here a Fourth of July parade turned tragic. A team of horses pulling a carriage became spooked and trampled through spectators. After bolting six city blocks the horses finally plowed into a parade float and fell in a heap on the road. The driver's wife was thrown from the carriage and later died from injuries she sustained from hitting the pavement. Dozens of others, mostly children were injured. Some severe.

News of the accident spread quickly, with local TV and newspapers dispatching reporters to the scene. Eager for firsthand accounts of what happened, reporters interviewed onlookers and published a plethora of emotional comments. The word "God" appeared in many of the quotes. Some "God" containing comments where in the form of a panicked explicative. As in "Oh my God - the horses are charging". Many others uttered the common cliché of "Thank God", followed by a statement of how it could have been worse.

One woman, we'll call Tammy, was a little more illustrative and descript in her certainty that God orcastrated the whole scene. (Names have been changed to protected the innocent, namely ME)

"Tammy Wilson doesn’t know how her 4-year-old daughter wasn’t seriously hurt when a runaway horse carriage stuck her in Johnsonville on Sunday, sending her
cartwheeling through the air. But after Lisa landed 15 feet away, still conscious and virtually unscathed, Tammy was sure of one thing: “God was working.” "

This quote appeared front page (and on the Internet) of a major newspaper widely distributed throughout the area. I am sure the condescending, hypocritical nature of this statement was not apparent to most, including the woman who was quoted. However, it hit a nerve with one online reader who shot back with a true, although sarcastic, comment of his own.

"I am glad to hear that 'God was at work' at the parade. Apparently God likes you and your daughter better than the woman who was killed and all of the children who were injured"

Unfortunately, I had to paraphrase the above quote because when I went back to cut and paste it verbatim it was gone. Sadly the newspaper moderator removed it for a 'Terms of Use' violation.

Palm Sunday

During my juvenile religious career I participated in no less than a dozen "Palm Parades" on the Sunday before Easter. What I find interesting is the remnants of Palm Sunday memories that remain after all these years. I wanted to do a post on the Christian significance of Palm Sunday and interject some of my vintage memories from this day. As I started to write, my words stumbled when I tried to describe the symbolism of Palm Sunday.

The vintage scraps of memory were there but they were not of the Bible, Jesus or The Passion. Instead what I remember is parading around the sanctuary in Church waving a palm branch. Getting yelled at for peeling the leaves off the palm branch. Not being able to wear my pretty new dress, because it was for Easter Sunday, next Sunday. Competing with the other kids to see who could collect them most palm branches after 'the service'. Smacking the other kids with the palm branch and them smacking me. My mother saying "get that out of your mouth". Taking home a palm branch or two or three or however many I could get my hands on. Mom insisting that the palm branch be placed in a glass of water to keep it alive then subsequently watching it wilt and crumble in the coming days.

All of this got me thinking about the Church buying these palms. I started wondering where do they come from and how much do they cost. A quick search on the internet revealed that several Church supply joints sell them. The ones that I remember are the 'date palm branches'. A package of 4 sells for about $15.00. Yawza that's expensive. If Churches supplied them to their members like they did when I was a kid that would be nearly a thousand dollars for a congregation of 250. No wonder us kids fought over who could collect the most after the service and my mom wanted to keep them alive. Maybe we knew someday those puppies would be worth solid gold. I mean heck today an innovative young entrepreneur could become a profitable reseller to the Church down the street. Unfortunately inflation has hit Palm Sunday celebrations and now suppliers sell bundles of single leaves off of a branch. So instead of clenching a stately branch in your fist and waving it over your head you pinch a puny leaf between your thumb and index finger. Somehow it's not the same.

Oh yeah the significance of the Palm..... It symbolizes victory of the faithful over enemies of the soul. It is particularly used in conjunction with martyrs to represent spiritual triumph.

Imaginary Friends

I like comics with cute one liners. Especially comics that make fun of religion. Here's an Atheist (or Agnostic) winner! It would make a great "Heathen Kid" coloring page.

The Catholics vs The Abelites

It is estimated that there are over 4300 religions in the world. Some are huge organized denominational behemoths such as the Catholics. Others such as the Abelites from North Africa numbered very few and have now become extinct. Both are loosely considered Christian sects but have starkly contrasting views. I find their views on on sex and procreation to be particularly interesting. Views and beliefs that ended in the demise of one and the innovative perpetuation of the other.

The Abelites worshiped a God that taught them you should practice sexual abstinence. Apparently Adam and Eve's younger son Abel (hence the name Abelites) didn't have any kids. This was interpreted by his followers to mean that he didn't have sex. Yeah right, since when is sex just for procreation? I am sure the young buck Abel knew all about the recreational part, but for what ever reason the fruits of his labors just never showed. But then again back in the beginning who would he have fun with. His mom, his older brother? Anyway, supposedly if you wanted to be a staunch follower of old Abel you hadn't better have sex. And thus we have a case of "my religion, my Abelites God is better than your Catholic God because we abstain from sexual intercourse". Needless to say most kids come to the world in the usual way. (you know what I mean) So the fine feathered Abelites aficionados became a dwindling bunch.

Contrast this if you will, to the Catholic system of beliefs which encourages procreation to the point of condemning the use of birth control. Contraception is evil and all sexual acts must leave open the possibility of procreation. I had a Catholic patient who after countless pregnancies, miscarriages and total of 8 live births fell victim to a prolapsed uterus. No great surprise, considering during most of her adult life she was 'with child' more often than not. A hysterectomy was recommended. She was emotionally devastated. Not because she could no longer bare children, but because she would be committing ultimate birth control sin. A hysterectomy. I mean she was seriously tormented by this and went to her priest to be forgiven. Through some confessional, hail Mary, mumbo jumbo, Catholic magic she was forgiven of her sins and had the surgery.

The Catholic church is the largest of the Christian brands of religion. A billion plus adherents, with new ones being generated in bedrooms and the back seats of cars on a daily basis. "My Catholic God is better than your Abelites God because we believe in producing a perpetual supply of young minds we can harvest". The females in the herd are expendable breeding stock and the male seed shall not be wasted. New adherents must be produced regardless of social responsibility. The Catholic God will provide for their physical and emotional needs, the followers need only concern themselves with bringing forth the numbers.

What if Starbucks Marketed Like a Church

I was surfing through some Videos on YouTube and ran across this dandy little spoof. The "Sales" techniques used by churches sound pretty silly when put into the context of COFFEE.