Synonyms for God

My favorite synonym for 'God' is the 'Magical Sky Daddy'.

Pick Yours.....

All Powerful
Almighty
Creator
Father
Deity
Divinity
Supernatural Being
Idol
Dad
Holiness
Holy Spirit
Jehovah
King of Kings
Lord
Power
Spirit
Yahweh
Lord of Lords
Prince of peace
Savior
Maker
Master
Prince of Peace
The man upstairs
Tutelary
Divine Being
Allah
Zeus
Universal Controller
The one Uncaused Cause of all Reality
Infinite Upholder
The Eternal Son

Carl Sagan - Pale Blue Dot

One of my favorites....

Who was at the reins of those horses?

In a tiny town not far from here a Fourth of July parade turned tragic. A team of horses pulling a carriage became spooked and trampled through spectators. After bolting six city blocks the horses finally plowed into a parade float and fell in a heap on the road. The driver's wife was thrown from the carriage and later died from injuries she sustained from hitting the pavement. Dozens of others, mostly children were injured. Some severe.

News of the accident spread quickly, with local TV and newspapers dispatching reporters to the scene. Eager for firsthand accounts of what happened, reporters interviewed onlookers and published a plethora of emotional comments. The word "God" appeared in many of the quotes. Some "God" containing comments where in the form of a panicked explicative. As in "Oh my God - the horses are charging". Many others uttered the common cliché of "Thank God", followed by a statement of how it could have been worse.

One woman, we'll call Tammy, was a little more illustrative and descript in her certainty that God orcastrated the whole scene. (Names have been changed to protected the innocent, namely ME)

"Tammy Wilson doesn’t know how her 4-year-old daughter wasn’t seriously hurt when a runaway horse carriage stuck her in Johnsonville on Sunday, sending her
cartwheeling through the air. But after Lisa landed 15 feet away, still conscious and virtually unscathed, Tammy was sure of one thing: “God was working.” "

This quote appeared front page (and on the Internet) of a major newspaper widely distributed throughout the area. I am sure the condescending, hypocritical nature of this statement was not apparent to most, including the woman who was quoted. However, it hit a nerve with one online reader who shot back with a true, although sarcastic, comment of his own.

"I am glad to hear that 'God was at work' at the parade. Apparently God likes you and your daughter better than the woman who was killed and all of the children who were injured"

Unfortunately, I had to paraphrase the above quote because when I went back to cut and paste it verbatim it was gone. Sadly the newspaper moderator removed it for a 'Terms of Use' violation.

Palm Sunday

During my juvenile religious career I participated in no less than a dozen "Palm Parades" on the Sunday before Easter. What I find interesting is the remnants of Palm Sunday memories that remain after all these years. I wanted to do a post on the Christian significance of Palm Sunday and interject some of my vintage memories from this day. As I started to write, my words stumbled when I tried to describe the symbolism of Palm Sunday.

The vintage scraps of memory were there but they were not of the Bible, Jesus or The Passion. Instead what I remember is parading around the sanctuary in Church waving a palm branch. Getting yelled at for peeling the leaves off the palm branch. Not being able to wear my pretty new dress, because it was for Easter Sunday, next Sunday. Competing with the other kids to see who could collect them most palm branches after 'the service'. Smacking the other kids with the palm branch and them smacking me. My mother saying "get that out of your mouth". Taking home a palm branch or two or three or however many I could get my hands on. Mom insisting that the palm branch be placed in a glass of water to keep it alive then subsequently watching it wilt and crumble in the coming days.

All of this got me thinking about the Church buying these palms. I started wondering where do they come from and how much do they cost. A quick search on the internet revealed that several Church supply joints sell them. The ones that I remember are the 'date palm branches'. A package of 4 sells for about $15.00. Yawza that's expensive. If Churches supplied them to their members like they did when I was a kid that would be nearly a thousand dollars for a congregation of 250. No wonder us kids fought over who could collect the most after the service and my mom wanted to keep them alive. Maybe we knew someday those puppies would be worth solid gold. I mean heck today an innovative young entrepreneur could become a profitable reseller to the Church down the street. Unfortunately inflation has hit Palm Sunday celebrations and now suppliers sell bundles of single leaves off of a branch. So instead of clenching a stately branch in your fist and waving it over your head you pinch a puny leaf between your thumb and index finger. Somehow it's not the same.

Oh yeah the significance of the Palm..... It symbolizes victory of the faithful over enemies of the soul. It is particularly used in conjunction with martyrs to represent spiritual triumph.

Imaginary Friends

I like comics with cute one liners. Especially comics that make fun of religion. Here's an Atheist (or Agnostic) winner! It would make a great "Heathen Kid" coloring page.

The Catholics vs The Abelites

It is estimated that there are over 4300 religions in the world. Some are huge organized denominational behemoths such as the Catholics. Others such as the Abelites from North Africa numbered very few and have now become extinct. Both are loosely considered Christian sects but have starkly contrasting views. I find their views on on sex and procreation to be particularly interesting. Views and beliefs that ended in the demise of one and the innovative perpetuation of the other.

The Abelites worshiped a God that taught them you should practice sexual abstinence. Apparently Adam and Eve's younger son Abel (hence the name Abelites) didn't have any kids. This was interpreted by his followers to mean that he didn't have sex. Yeah right, since when is sex just for procreation? I am sure the young buck Abel knew all about the recreational part, but for what ever reason the fruits of his labors just never showed. But then again back in the beginning who would he have fun with. His mom, his older brother? Anyway, supposedly if you wanted to be a staunch follower of old Abel you hadn't better have sex. And thus we have a case of "my religion, my Abelites God is better than your Catholic God because we abstain from sexual intercourse". Needless to say most kids come to the world in the usual way. (you know what I mean) So the fine feathered Abelites aficionados became a dwindling bunch.

Contrast this if you will, to the Catholic system of beliefs which encourages procreation to the point of condemning the use of birth control. Contraception is evil and all sexual acts must leave open the possibility of procreation. I had a Catholic patient who after countless pregnancies, miscarriages and total of 8 live births fell victim to a prolapsed uterus. No great surprise, considering during most of her adult life she was 'with child' more often than not. A hysterectomy was recommended. She was emotionally devastated. Not because she could no longer bare children, but because she would be committing ultimate birth control sin. A hysterectomy. I mean she was seriously tormented by this and went to her priest to be forgiven. Through some confessional, hail Mary, mumbo jumbo, Catholic magic she was forgiven of her sins and had the surgery.

The Catholic church is the largest of the Christian brands of religion. A billion plus adherents, with new ones being generated in bedrooms and the back seats of cars on a daily basis. "My Catholic God is better than your Abelites God because we believe in producing a perpetual supply of young minds we can harvest". The females in the herd are expendable breeding stock and the male seed shall not be wasted. New adherents must be produced regardless of social responsibility. The Catholic God will provide for their physical and emotional needs, the followers need only concern themselves with bringing forth the numbers.

What if Starbucks Marketed Like a Church

I was surfing through some Videos on YouTube and ran across this dandy little spoof. The "Sales" techniques used by churches sound pretty silly when put into the context of COFFEE.

My Journey began...

I started my journey to questioning faith at the tender age of 7. My 'beliefs' have waxed and waned at times over the years with a lot of periods in between when I really didn't think about it much. Many would call the chain of events that brought me down the path of "non belief" ill-fated. Some would even go so far as to say my experience was emotionally damaging. Child abuse? I don't think so. I was embarrassed and it was a disappointing turning point, but in retrospect I am very thankful. At 7 I was a pretty sharp kid and unlike an adult, my mind had not been polluted by years of indoctrination, opinions and life's experiences that cloud judgment.

I was baptized as an infant in the United Methodist Church. My mother taught Sunday School in the same church. Religion was a part of my life on Sundays as well as throughout the week. We said grace and thanked the Lord for our meals. Christmas and Easter were about Jesus and I was taught a multitude of Bible stories. Sunday school, Church and religious activities were always enjoyable. In the summer I attended Vacation Bible School. VBS as it is now called, was a personal favorite of mine. Something mom and I enjoyed together as she always was heavily involved in planning and presenting the VBS programs. Often times my mom would help out at other churches during their "VBS week". This brings me to my story.

Through a child's eyes as told 40 years later....

It was a warm sunny June morning. I recall being very excited and a little nervous too. I had never got to go to Vacation Bible School at another church. Only our church in the tiny little town we lived in. This was indeed a special treat to be 'allowed' to go with mom to help out an another Church. I loved VBS at our Church and wondered what it would be like somewhere else. At our Church there were crafts, music, games and you got to play and be a silly kid. Well at least more silly than on Sunday mornings. Church School as fun but VBS was super cool and I didn't have to wear a dress. I could be in play clothes. I was even more excited because I was with my mom and we were going to help out in a neighboring town. A little drive away.

When we arrived I noticed that we were not at a Church. It was a regular elementary school. I was puzzled by this and my mom explained that the Church is using the school so the kids can be in different class rooms. Oh Ok I get it. We parked and walked in. The place was busy with activity. Mom and a few of the other moms exchanged greetings and my mom said I was her daughter. My mom was helping out with a different age group than my age group and I wanted to stay with her. Another mom convinced her and me that I would have more fun with kids my own age. I was showed where to go and assured that I would see mom at lunchtime in the cafeteria.

The morning started out great. Playing games in a big gym. The kids were really fun and the moms were very nice. The kids were told before lunch that we would be going to one of the classrooms for a program. We all streamed down the hall to the designated room and took seats in the desks. I could tell for 'real school' the classroom was for bigger kids. The desks were bigger and the stuff on the walls was not for little kid lessons. The desks were in rows facing the front of the room as was very common in the 50's and 60's. I took my place in the row by the window about half way back.

The kids were all chattering and rustling around like kids will. Several moms were up front getting ready for the lesson. "shhhh, shhhhh listen up" one of the mom's said as other moms chimed in with their own series of "shhhh, shhhh, shhh". The kid's quieted down and one of the mothers started to speak.

"Before lunch I would like to take a few moments to talk about Jesus Christ our Savior"

I thought "oh, ok I know about this stuff". After all at that point I had 7 years experience with this Church teaching stuff.

"How many of you know that Jesus died for our sins"

Most of the hands in the room went up including mine.

"Boys and girls do you know where Jesus is now"

A little girl put her hand up and the mom acknowledged her. The little girl said "In heaven with God"

The mom said "that's right, when Jesus died he went to heaven where he as everlasting life"

I knew about heaven and that is what I was going to say. That's where mommy told me grandma is and that someday I will get to see her again. I had always been told heaven was a wonderful paradise where there is no hurt, no sorrow and everyone is happy.

The teacher went on ask "do you know what you have to do to get to heaven?"

I thought be a good girl and live the way that God wants me to live. The little girl answered "love and follow Jesus". I thought oh yeah, that too.

The mom said, "yes that is right, and what else"

Everyone seemed confused including me and then the mom said "you have to be saved"

Hmmm I thought, I have never heard it put quite that way. I knew I was baptised as a baby and I always tried to be a good girl. This lady was making it sound like there was something more to it. My ears perked up. I wanted to hear more.

"Boys and girls" the mom continued "do you know what it means to be saved"

A little boy raised his hand and blurted out with a grin ... "It means, aaa aaa it means, Gawd likes you". The teachers smiled and the kids laughed.

The mom said "God loves everyone but God does not like it when people are bad, and everyone is bad, even if it's just a little bit"

At this point I was listening intently to every word that spilled from the teacher's lips. What happened next stirred some emotion in me. Something I had never felt before. Peaceful yet spooky.

The teacher said "boys and girls I would like for you to close your eyes and listen to me very carefully"

I clenched my eyes closed and my hands fell into a clasped position on the desk in front of me.

"Keep you eyes closed and by a show of hands, how many of you have been saved?"

Wow this was getting deep. I didn't raise my hand because I really didn't know exactly what she meant by being saved. I mean, there was never a ceremony or something like when I got my Bible last fall after I turned 7. I could hear the room rustle as a lot of kids must have raised there hands. What the?? These kids know about this and I don't.

My thoughts were riveted back to the moment with the teacher's voice. "keep your eyes closed. OK good, I can see many of you have accepted Jesus Christ our Savior. Bless be to you."

Whoa I thought?!? I LOVE Jesus! I need to know more about this 'being saved' thingy and do it right away! It was like the teacher was reading my mind as I listened to her next words.

"Those of you who raised your hands a moment ago please go ahead and take lunch. The remainder of you who have not been saved please KEEP YOUR EYES CLOSED and remain seated. For those of you who have not been saved I want to talk to you and I will have a very special invitation for you. KEEP YOUR EYES CLOSED. I will talk to you in a moment"

I kept my seat and did as I was told. My eyes clenched tightly closed and I quietly waited. I heard the room rustle with activity. I heard the desks squeak as they shifted position on the floor. Lots of kids must have gotten up and then I heard little feet move swiftly across the floor. The sounds moved away from me and faded into the hall. The room fell quiet and I waited.

And waited

And waited

And waited

I could hear feint sounds coming from the hall. I sat quietly, obediently and expectantly waiting. Nothing happened. The teacher never spoke again. I was expecting something REALLY special and NOTHING happened. Nothing at all.

I don't remember how long I actually sat there. Eyes closed, hands clasped in prayer. 10 minutes, 20 minutes? It was at least that long and then I cautiously and slowly opened my eyes. I was expecting to be scolded or reprimanded for not listening. After all, I was told to keep my eyes closed and sit there.

As I opened my eyes nothing happened. No one yelled at me or reminded me to obey. That's because no one was there. I was alone and the lights in the room had been turned off.

What?? Where is everyone? And what just happened? Did anything happen? Was I just saved?
I got up from the desk, walked across the room and out into the hall. There was not anyone in the hall either but I could hear sounds coming from another part of the building. I walked alone through the halls and followed the sounds. As I got closer the sounds got louder. Everyone was in the cafeteria enjoying lunch.

I saw my mom and she said "Girl, where have you been?" Silently I embraced my mom in a hug.

My life was forever changed and my view of religion would never be the same.